Monday, August 7, 2017

kiss me goodbye...

She calls me a damn fool of a man.

She blames me for everything... every damn thing - whether it has anything to do with us or not... it's my fault she feels this way... it's my fault for making her angry... my fault when she cries... my fault when things fall apart - and they often do... It's my fault... and I will admit... to a night a long time ago... in the stillness of her fathers garden... under the moon casting a certain glow... that I fumbled and mumbled out a desperate magic spell... but I was only looking for a sign from destiny - honestly... and she herself did once admit to doing the same thing - in that very garden... on a very similar night... but still... it's all my fault for not knowing how to cast a proper spell...

And trust me when I tell you friends - she's always been a little mad - every one likes her... she is a lovely girl and very easy to fall for... she's the girl you want on your side... the one you want to have a family with... but she's nuts like the rest of them... and I always knew it... but the sound of her voice... and the smell of her skin... and the taste of her lips... is worth the rage and insanity when I get to hold her in my arms again...

And I let her come and go as she please... and I let her rain down her madness on me... I let her drown me in her fears and insecurities and jealous tantrums... and I let her pretend that she hates me and I let her pretend she's never coming back... and I let her seduce me and I let her reduce me to the point of no resistance... 

I wonder if she will forgive me when she realizes that I let all of this play out according to the script of her seduction... this is what she wanted... just the way she wanted it... this was always her game that we have been playing... but we are both playing to win... and I like playing this game... with her... breaking the rules and stacking my chips with loaded dice... because all is fair in love and war.

I can't let her win - because I cannot abandon the road I am currently on - which is what she wants.  I have to follow it to the end and see were it leads me... and she knows that... I wonder if she would forgive me if I let it all go and we lost ourselves out at see - forever... (like she said we should).

But...

I know...

This is the man she wants... this damn fool of a man... that she keeps coming back to...



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